throughout my life, i have moved from one addiction to another. i am an intelligent enough person to know that not all addictions are bad. i am also intelligent enough to notice, however, that although not all addictions are bad, they are all harmful. even the seemingly smallest of things to which i find myself addicted are at times utterly destructive.
i have never been a person who simply "likes" something. i'm all in or all out. go big or go home. do it, and do it right. one of my favorite lines from the show will and grace comes from karen walker. with a look of confusion on her face, she stated, "...which is odd, because i don't have an addictive personality." the humor comes when one knows karen's character on the show, who is addicted to any and everything. she brings "party mix" to a party, which we later find out is "uppers, downers, and candy corns." my addictions are not that... severe. i don't even like candy corn.
i spend a lot of time fighting against my addictions. the word itself has far too negative a connotation. i'm not addicted to anything illegal, as far as i know... but that doesn't make all my addictions safe. as i write this, i am in the process of cutting one of my addictions out of my life. and i realize that by doing this, it will only make me rely more upon the rest of them. i sure hope the others are strong enough to give me the extra support i'm going to need.
1 comment:
Maggie! Thank you for writing about this. I'm working through the same process and it is so painful and awful. You have a lot of courage just to name the addictions and to have the desire to work through them. I'm trying to work through some of my childhood pains and wounds that are really at the root of my addictions and it is such a difficult process. Food is such a ready replacement for real love and intimacy, but I eat in a way that leaves me feeling so empty. Do you believe in God? I've found that she is always ready to take my pain if I will have the courage and willingness to feel it. I'll pray for you.
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