alive

a few months ago, i got the first disc of the series "Six Feet Under" from netflix.  the disc only had 3 episodes on it.  after watching 20 minutes of the very first episode, i ordered the entire series (5 seasons) on amazon.  as soon as it arrived a week later, i watched all 5 seasons within a month.  i did not, however, watch the final episode.  i wasn't ready for it to end.  i knew once i watched that episode, it was over... and it had so quickly become such an intense part of my life when i really needed it, that i needed it to keep living.

today at work i realized that i needed to just watch it.  i needed to watch the finale and just deal with however it made me feel.  just now, as soon as the final credits rolled, i sent jamie a message letting her know that i had finally watched it.  when she asked if it crushed my soul, i answered; "yes.  it also made me want to live.  like it made me feel like i'm not really living."

so i ask of you, few and far between blog readers, for advice on how to feel like i'm really living.

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also, jamie, i really hope you find your remote.

six feet under

i think i've been watching too much Six Feet Under.  i know i have.  but i have reasons...

reality television

jamie recently asked me to rank the reality shows i watch in order of how gay they are. here's what i came up with:

10. Next Food Network Star
9. Losing It with Jillian Michaels
8. The Biggest Loser
7. Hell’s Kitchen
6. The Amazing Race
5. American Idol
4. So You Think You Can Dance
3. HGTV Design Star
2. Project Runway

... and the gayest of them all:
1. America’s Next Top Model